Douglas Adams

The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy

"The large yellow ships hung in the sky in exactly the same way that bricks don't."

"Vogon poetry is of course the third worst in the universe. The second worst is that of the Azgoths of Kria. During a recitation by their poet master Grunthos the Flatulent of his poem 'Ode to a small lump of green putty I found in my armpit one midsummer morning' four of his audience died of internal haemorrhaging, and the president of the Mid-Galactic Arts Nobbling Council survived only by gnawing one of his own legs off. Grunthos is reported to have been 'disappointed' by the poem's reception, and was about to embark on a reading of his twelve book epic 'My Favourite Bathtime Gurgles' when his own major intestine, in a desperate attempt to save life and civilisation, leapt straight up through his throat and throttled his brain. The very worst poetry of all perished along with its creator Paula Nancy Millstone Jennings of Greenbridge, Essex, England in the destruction of the planet Earth."

"`I checked it very thoroughly,' said the computer, `and that quite definitely is the answer. I think the problem, to be quite honest with you, is that you've never actually known what the question is.'"

"'What does it matter? Science has achieved some wonderful things of course, but I'd far rather be happy than right any day.'
'And are you?'
'No. That's where it all falls down of course.'"
- Slartibartfast and Arthur

The Restaurant at the End of the Universe

"There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable."
"There is another which states that this has already happened."

"The story so far:
In the beginning the Universe was created.
This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move."

"I teleported home one night
With Ron and Sid and Meg.
Ron stole Meggie's heart away
And I got Sidney's leg."

"Zaphod span round, wild-eyed.
'Ford,' he said, 'how many escape capsules are there?'
'None,' said Ford.
Zaphod gibbered.
'Did you count them?' he yelled.
'Twice,' said Ford"

"To summarize: it is a well known fact, that those people who most want to rule people are, ipso facto, those least suited to do it. To summarize the summary: anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job. To summarize the summary of the summary: people are a problem."

Life, the Universe and Everything

"[...] the colours with which some of the unspeakable details were picked out ranged horribly across the whole spectrum of eye-defying colours from Ultra Violent to Infra Dead [...]"